Attendance Hero

Last week George earned the “Attendance Hero” award at his school for having perfect attendance that week and for being kind to others. Out of a list of rewards that ranged from bringing a favorite stuffy to school to free ice cream from our local ice cream shop, George (for the second time) picked lunch with a teacher and friend. This didn’t surprise me but when he told me the friend he’d decided on I was shocked. 

He chose Ralphie! (I’ve changed the name for privacy.)

The little boy that George has clashed with since the first week of school. The little boy that was picking on George so much I contacted his teacher, fearful a bullying situation might be developing, as George was voicing he no longer liked school. Ralphie has repeatedly told his classmates that his house has been broken into, maybe to scare them (it scared George anyway). Ralphie routinely cries and throws tantrums in class. 

I’ve told George to ignore Ralphie when he says mean and rude things to him, explaining he does these things because of George’s reactions. I told George I’m sure something difficult is going on in Ralphie’s life to make him act this way, so to be kind and polite to him too. I always encourage George to lead by example, reminding him (constantly) that you cannot force other people to do anything, but by modeling the right thing you are in fact doing all that you can do.

I asked George if he was sure about this decision. “Oh yes, most definitely.” I asked George, why!? Why Ralphie!? This boy who has caused him more trouble than anyone or anything else in his few years of schooling.

“Because I don’t think Ralphie has much to be excited about and this would give him something to be excited about.”

When he told Ralphie he’d chosen him for his special lunch, Ralphie stunned George with a huge hug. 

George is not a perfect child. He overnight sleepwalk pees in garbage cans, occasionally eats his own buggers, thinks candy makes a good snack, is terrible at keeping his room clean and his toys picked up, refuses to use a fork and makes a giant mess at the table… but damn, when it comes to learning BIG life lessons I am astonished at his maturity. I am so very proud of him and told him so.

“Careful the things you say

Children will listen.

Careful the things you do

Children will see

And learn

Children may not obey

But children will listen

Children will look to you

For which way to turn

To learn what to be

Careful before you say

‘Listen to me’

Children will listen”

• from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim